Chasing After My Brother

    As soon as I got my very first bike, around 4 or 5, my parents naturally attached training wheels, as they had done for my older brother in years prior. But then I saw him zoom ahead of me, while I was left in the dust, hindered by my feeble, plastic training wheels. In that moment, I decided that I would ditch my training wheels and become just as fast as him. When my parents learned of my plan, they suggested that I try out training wheels for a while first. Instead of accepting their advice, I got angry and refused. I was upset that they didn’t think I was capable of doing what my brother was. It took several sessions and an array of bruises and scratches from falling, but eventually I learned to ride a bike, without the help of my parents or a background using training wheels.

    Learning to ride a bike was just the beginning of my aversion to my parents’ help. When I discovered that my brother was reading the Harry Potter series, I insisted on reading it as well, despite not understanding. My mom offered me books that were more at my reading level, but I again became frustrated that she didn’t believe in me. When my brother and I joined the swim team, and he was placed in the level ahead of me, I begged my parents to take me to the pool on the weekends so I could get better, while simultaneously pushing away their suggestions and offers to help. 

    I spent most of my childhood trying to keep up with my brother. No matter how hard I tried, it seemed like he was always faster, smarter, and better. I desperately wanted to prove that I was as capable as he was, and every time my parents offered to help me with something that wasn’t also extended to my brother, I took it as an offense. In reality, they were just being normal parents. Of course, being three years younger than my brother, I shouldn’t have been able to accomplish what he could. But I did not understand that, and so whenever my parents appeared to doubt my ability in comparison to my brother, I became more determined to prove them wrong. 

    Although this trend I developed was not a positive thing for me nor my parents at the time, my determination and independence have evolved into positive traits over time. I no longer try to keep up with my brother, which is partly because we have become pretty dissimilar in our interests, both academically and personally. But mostly, I’ve stopped trying to mirror my brother because I’ve come to realize that no one, especially not my parents, will doubt me for being my own person and achieving things on my own timeline. Instead, I now funnel my determination and independence into setting and accomplishing the goals that I choose for myself. I still struggle with accepting help from my parents and reminding myself that they’re not necessarily doubting my ability by offering. But their compassion and willingness to help are things that I continue to feel gratitude for and utilize as I get older.